“Just to be clear, there’s a difference between things we do to your B00bs, and things we want to do to your B00bs. Of course, we love you and everything else you’ve got going on, and we like the stuff we actually do with your B00bs, but here are the things we would do if only we had full VIP 24/7 access.”
1. Motorboat them. It doesn’t feel good for you and it doesn’t really feel great for us. But we want to do it, anyway. It’s like a deep desire that exists in all men.
3. Take them in both hands gently and jiggle them. It … it’s mesmerizing.
4. Use them as pillows. Sure, we can rest our weary head on them for a bit when we’re cuddling, but you’ll eventually tell us your B00b is falling asleep or something.
5. Press our ear to them and listen to the ocean.
6. Treat them like a S3xy basketball hoop. We just want to kick back and throw M&M’s into your cleavage because it feels incredibly satisfying. We like B00bs, and we like seeing if we can throw things into other things, and this is the point where the two intersect.
7. Grope with wild abandon. We just want to get all up in those B00bs without worrying what feels good to do, and just explore them like they’re majestic mountains. We just want to squeeze.
8. Hold them forever. If it were socially acceptable to walk around in public and hold our girlfriends’ B00bs, we would.
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